Attachment and Relationships
Relationships can be challenging, and it’s natural to struggle at times. They often push our buttons, bringing up emotions and patterns that can be difficult to understand or manage. Patterns that have been formed years ago - may no longer serve us.
Our earliest relationships shape how we connect, trust, and experience intimacy.
Attachment wounds can leave us fearing abandonment, struggling with vulnerability, or crippling anxiety.
We may crave closeness while simultaneously pushing it away.
Understanding these patterns helps us recognize the protective strategies we’ve developed, build emotional security, and create relationships rooted in trust, authenticity, and deeper connection.
Is This You?
Below are Bolby’s 4 main attachment styles (you can have more than 1 style) Check and see which ones you relate to.
Secure
Comfortable with intimacy: Able to build close relationships while maintaining a healthy sense of independence.
Trust and communication: Generally trusts others and feels comfortable expressing needs, emotions, and boundaries.
Emotional regulation: Can navigate conflict and relationship challenges without becoming overwhelmed or withdrawing excessively.
Anxious
Excessive worry — Persistent, difficult-to-control concerns about everyday situations or future events.
Restlessness — Feeling on edge, tense, or unable to relax.
Physical tension — Muscle tightness, headaches, or jaw clenching.
Hypervigilance — Constantly scanning for potential threats, problems, or signs of danger.
Avoidance — Steering clear of situations, emotions, or experiences that trigger fear or discomfort.
Avoidant
Persistent sadness — Feeling down, empty, hopeless, or emotionally numb.
Loss of interest — Reduced pleasure or engagement in activities once enjoyed.
Low energy — Persistent fatigue, exhaustion, or difficulty initiating tasks.
Negative self-perception — Feelings of worthlessness, excessive guilt, or self-criticism.
Withdrawal — Pulling away from relationships, social activities, or meaningful experiences.
Disorganized
Emotional avoidance — Using substances or behaviors to escape uncomfortable feelings.
Neglecting responsibilities — Prioritizing the addiction over relationships, work, or personal well-being.
Continuing despite consequences — Persisting despite negative effects on physical health, emotional well-being, or relationships.
My Approach
Each person is unique, and their process will be unique to them
Having worked in various treatment centers for addiction and co-occurring disorders, I have lots of experience working with different types of nervous system presentations. Below is a 4-step outline of how we will address it.
We will review education on the nervous system and work on various skills to help you gain agency over how your system operates.
We will work together to learn to tune in and notice when your emotional system begins to change and shift.
We will develop the ability to process and metabolize emotional information so that things don’t get “stored up” in the nervous system.
We will address experiences of all kinds- past, present, or future that may be getting in the way of allowing your nervous system to feel calm and comfortable.