We’ve come a long way in the mental health profession. From treatment strategies and therapeutic modalities to advocacy and greater social awareness, we have made tremendous progress in recognizing and addressing the mental health needs of our society. We have also made significant strides in challenging the stigma that once prevented so many people from seeking help.
Yet, within this evolving conversation, I continue to hear people talk about their mental health as though it were primarily a matter of making adjustments to their symptoms. I have a growing concern that “focusing on my mental health” has too much to do with better sleep habits, diet, and gym routines, and not enough to do with the deeper Self; “Who Am I?”
When therapy focuses exclusively on helping someone navigate the immediate difficulties of life, it may leave them unprepared for the next inevitable challenge. We learn strategies to manage anxiety, but do we learn how to understand ourselves? We learn to regulate our emotions, but do we develop a deeper relationship with the person experiencing them?
As a holistic counselor specializing in anxiety in Alexandria, VA, I believe we need to look beyond the symptoms and consider the deeper dimensions of the Self. The part of us that seeks meaning, wrestles with identity, and encounters the great mystery of being human and participating in this thing we call “life”. In not knowing who we are, we open ourselves up to a persistent anxiety that lies beneath our every moment, increasing our likeliness to become overwhelmed, and shows up in our daily anxieties without our awareness of what the deeper problem might be.
Without meaning, or even an awareness of how we relate to reality itself, I believe we miss a fundamental piece of psychological well-being. Our understanding of reality, our place in the world, our sense of purpose, and our relationship with what we might call the mystery of life provide an essential foundation for our inner lives. These deeper questions serve as a kind of tension rod between our values of who we want to become and who we are right now, helping to hold together our broader sense of being as we move forward in life.
This doesn’t mean you need to subscribe to a particular religion, philosophy, or adopt a spiritual practice. Rather, it means acknowledging that something fundamental about being human extends beyond our physical and psychological experiences. We are not simply collections of symptoms to be managed. We are people trying to make sense of who we are and what it means to be alive.
In my experience, it is rare to encounter someone struggling with persistent anxiety who hasn’t, at some level, also struggled with questions of identity, purpose, belonging, or meaning. When we lack a deeper sense of who we are, the uncertainty of life can become particularly difficult to tolerate. It’s not necessarily complicated, but it is deep. As I heard Tom Yeomans once say, “it’s common sense, it’s deep common sense”.
The renowned existential psychotherapist Irvin Yalom devoted much of his work to these very questions. In Staring at the Sun, he writes:
“Though the physicality of death destroys us, the idea of death may save us.”
Yalom understood that confronting the fundamental realities of existence, including death, freedom, isolation, and meaninglessness, can become a pathway toward a more authentic and meaningful life. Sometimes, what we most want to avoid examining is precisely what we need to encounter.
The question of Who am I? doesn’t disappear simply because our anxiety subsides. It remains with us, often resurfacing in different forms and at different stages of life. This is my concern when I hear someone say they need to “work on my mental health”. Are they acknowledging the deeper part of the Self?
Perhaps the goal of therapy shouldn’t simply be to help you feel better, but to help you understand yourself more fully. To develop a relationship with yourself that can withstand the inevitable uncertainties, transitions, and challenges of being alive. Or as Carl Jung put it, to “Become Whole”.